Her eyes grew large as she pondered the significance of her find. It was just sitting there, unattended. Anyone could’ve stumbled upon it, and presumably several did, without even stopping to notice.

Surely this couldn’t be it? Could it?

Maddy gingerly grasped the artifact as if she were a museum curator cradling a cherished antiquity. This was the Holy Grail, the Ark of the Covenant and the Lost Human Behind the Closed Door all rolled into one! The solution to one of felinity’s greatest mysteries was at her pawtips.

Were the old stories true? Had she really found… the source?!?

For centuries, cats all over the world had pursued the elusive Red Dot of Pakhet. According to the ancient scratchings, Pakhet, the Egyptian goddess of war, was the first and only feline to catch the evanescent tittle. Using her sharp eye and pointed claw, this night huntress captured the illuminated speck and harnessed its power by sealing it in a small, cylindrical sarcophagus. Whoever possesses this coffer, the legend goes, holds command over all the Earth’s felines. Now, her destiny fully manifested, absolute power improbably belonged to this unassuming, 21st century domesticate.

Maddy beamed at the thought of her newfound authority, but releasing the aged beacon proved problematic. The glyphs that lined the side of the archaic tube — presumably the detailed instructions — were indecipherable.

“Do not point laser directly into eyes,” the cryptic symbols read. “Made in China.”

In the end, world domination was thwarted by Maddy’s inability to decode a primitive but complex language.

Well, that and her lack of an opposable thumb.