Maddy and Leia watched intently as, high above, Archie demonstrated his web-spinning technique.

“So once I got the base all done up, see,” the brassy arachnid explained, “I come over the top like this here, go back around with a real tight Boston Loop-de-Loop like so, then finish it off with whatcha call the ol’ Cincinnati Sticky Foot. Yeah, I know it ain’t pretty or nothin’ but I’m just tryin’ to catch dinner here. I ain’t lookin’ to get in’ta the Louvre.”

Despite his unabashed self-depreciation, both felines found Archie’s work to be quite impressive. Maddy had taken up knitting awhile back and Leia once dabbled in crochet, but neither had created anything close to this silken masterpiece. So naturally, they were somewhat concerned that it was precariously placed.

“You probably shouldn’t have built that there,” Maddy warned. “When the humans get home, they’ll…”

“Humans?!?” he interjected. “I ain’t afraid’a no humans!

“You know what I do when those two-legged freaks come in’ta the room? Huh, do ya? I’ll tell ya what I do. I just sit there on the wall. I sit there right in front of ‘em, see!

“And here’s the best part; they don’t move! They freeze! They take one look at me with their non-beady little eyes and they’re paralyzed! They’re like a gazillion times bigger than me yet I’m the scary one! Can ya believe that?

“Oh, after a minute or two they tiptoe off, all dainty-like, to get a magazine or a paper towel or somethin’. But the moment they look away, I’m doin the ol’ 23-Skidoo and hidin’ behind their bed. And get this! They’ll stay up til two in the mornin’ ‘cause they know I’m there. Somewhere. And maybe I got friends!

“So, no,” Archie swaggered, “I ain’t worried ‘bout no venomless bone sacks.”

At that moment, as if on cue, the doorknob rattled. The humans were home.

Maddy’s gaze turned to the small switch on the northern wall, which the smaller, softer human moved into the “on” position. Without warning, Archie shot across the room as if he were jettisoned from a canon. Dazed, and disillusioned, he scurried away, unsure of what had just happened.

Maddy turned to Leia, both unfazed.

“As I was saying,” she restated, matter of factly, “he shouldn’t have built that there because when the humans get home they’ll most certainly turn on the ceiling fan.”