Frustrated and famished, Kevinita scaled the outer screen, hoping to signal her presence and satiate her appetite. But only Maddy trekked to the door.

“Hey,” Kevinita asked bluntly, without so much as a hello. “Where’s my nuts? There’s usually a big pile of ‘em out here on the porch.”

“Oh,” Maddy thought as she softly replied. “I guess they’re still in the pantry. The humans aren’t home right now.”

The petulant rodent was not pleased with this response.

“Well, can you go get some and bring ‘em out here?”

“Oh sure,” retorted Maddy. “Let me go unlock the pantry with my opposable thumbs and then cup my paw to open this doorknob. I do that all the time. It’s why I never have to wait for the humans to feed me and why I’m always outside roaming around and not stuck inside these four walls all day like a freakin’ prisoner.”

Maddy paused.

“Would you like me to roast them for you as well? I’m sure I can figure out how fire works.”

Kevinita just sat there as Maddy waited for the sarcasm to register.

“Raw is fine,” the obtuse little rodent countered. “But if you could add a pinch of salt that’d be great.”