Updated Website is Top Story on Extreeeeemely Slow News Day

Well, lookie here!   Ol’ Ronnie’s got himself a new website.  Actually it’s an old website that’s been refurbished (or, as the consultants say, “re-branded.”)  I’ve gotten rid of some of the old, outdated elements such as the rotary dial, the coin-operated pay phone and in-dash cigarette lighter, but I’ve elected to keep some of the more popular features like the Beta-to-VHS converter, the Mattel Electronic Football season simulator and the Dow Scrubbing Bubbles foot massager.  I wanted to add a toaster that makes only cinnamon toast, but I’m told that technology is still a few decades away.

So why, you ask, do I need a website?  Well, that’s a good question and I’m glad you asked it.  Quite simply, in this day and age, if you don’t have a one, you’re a dinosaur.  Everyone from the lowliest king to the mightiest janitor has a website.   How else will you know what that person ate for breakfast this morning or what his or her rambling, nonsensical political beliefs are?   Sure, there’s social media, but top pseudo-scientists predict that social media sites like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram will be obsolete by the third quarter of this month.  Don’t believe me?  Ask yourself this:  Whatever happened to MySpace and Google+?   Do you dare ignore that trend?

Here’s the bottom line.  You can either check out my website, be mildly amused and refer back it periodically for updates about what I’m doing, or you can Ask Jeeves for some other sites that might be more of what you’re looking for.  Odds are you’ll be covertly navigating Napster, volunteering for the Dole/Kemp 96 campaign or organizing your GeoCities.

The choice is yours!